I felt the lightening, And I waited on the thunder...

ShitShitShit.

As aforementioned in a previous post, I am having an issue with a teacher. Well, it's gone now, but I still do have this teacher. Now, I am used to not getting picked with my hand up; I always have it up in classes with an english or a history base. Those are the environments where I flourish, we have been over this. I don't know how I know all the crap I know, but I do, and I love to give answers.

However. This teacher has been so SICKENINGLY NICE TO ME ITS AWFUL. I always get picked everytime I have a thought to speak, and it's always followed with a "Good job, Sinead" or an "Oh yes, Excellent Sinead". Why. Why me? Ofcourse, I look over to see Emma smirking at me, or Nikki laughing with her head in her textbook, and I die a little more inside. I am not a suckup. Infact, I am famous for not getting along well with teachers! He acts as though he is afraid to offend me. And that makes me feel sick. It wasn't my intention to scare him into submission for the rest of the semester by bringing the residential schools issue to light. Fuck. I just wanted him to ACTUALLY teach about it instead of glossing and moving on.

I don't want him to kiss my ass for the rest of the semester out of fear for making me angry or something equally idiotic, but the way he is treating me now is driving me CRAZY. I almost in a way feel bad for him acting like that, like a part of me almost wishes I had never addressed the residential schools affair to begin with. He's going to think i'm some sort of psycho-sensitive crybaby for the rest of the semester, and to pay everytime I put up my hand i'm going to get the Good Jobs and the Excellents!

I know i'm smart, you don't need to tell me. Hah.

Fuck, though, anyways. SIGH.

Sinead

To be the other man, No one sympathises, When you're the other man, Everyone despises....

I always go back time to time to look at my old little collection of poetry. Everytime I go back, I am more and more suprised that I actually wrote all that self indulgent tripe. To be fair to myself, I haven't written a poem, especially not for that collection in over two years, but even still! How could I have ever felt that way? It is irritating to hear again and again throughout the whole puberty deal that you are on a hormonal rollercoaster of which no end is forseen(Hah). Really though, as I exit that particularly colourful stage of my life, I have begun to see how terribly true it is. It is hard to listen when something is reiterated CAPP class after CAPP class in your face. Especially when no one understands you, and your life is just that hard. But looking at these worthless poems, it is true. I thought my life was THAT bad. And then there were the highs! The soaring incredibly happy highs, followed by the crash which would always result in some sort of attack; on my wrists perhaps? or more conventionally in the tempertantrum, or my particular favourite of the time; the deepseeded no one understands me poetry about how hard life is.

Life is hard, I don't dispute it. Somehow though, through all that bullshit, I expected things to be served to me. I didn't know I could make my own happiness, my own accomplishments or anything really to feel good about. I expected to just feel that way. Looking back, the instant gratification thingI had going on, I am really really very glad I wasn't into drugs or drinking at the time. I can see how that could spiral, at 14 you're too wrapped up in your own self to be able to drink without it having consequences, same goes for smoking pot. We all needed to learn for ourselves that we build our own lives, we make our own happiness, it is up to us and us alone. No person or drug or drink or magic potion will make us feel good for very long, it isn't sustainable.

It's funny when I talk to friends about "back then". They all felt like I did. I never saw it though, I was envious of every one of them, they were all so together and happy and perfect and I was this huge mess when really they felt the same way about me. It is funny how things work.

I like the way it is now, though, much better. I know how to make myself happy. Without anyone or anything else to help me. And although I may certainly avoid some emotions(Ha-Ha), I am Ok. We go through hell to come out okay. It's just better. I like this more.

yours,
or mine?
sinead

They laugh cause they know they're untouchable; Not because what I said was wrong.

So I won Best Diplomat. Got it given to me by the Lieutenant Govener of British Columbia, Iona Campagnolo, and got my picture with her/the secretary general and the president of the school. It was weird. This kid from my summit looked super pissed. I'm glad I won, its neat. Spencer and Kahlila won best diplomat for their committees also, and Colby and Sarah won for best Delegate in their committees. Dover Bay came home with quite a few awards. Oxfam with its two delegates, came home with two awards ;).


NGO's = BEST EVER

K thanks, BYE!!!

We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow? We've got tonight babe, why don't you stay?

I just have to say...
I LOVE THE MODEL UN MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF
I'm going to be a diplomat if human rights lawyering fails. I'm oxfam, so an NGO, but its the BEST EVER. I love the debates, I love the motions and the points of order, I love unmoderated caucus, I LOVE PASSING NOTES THROUGH RUNNER PEOPLE, I love everything about the UN and i'm pretty sure i'm just going to marry the entire system.

It's so educational it makes me HAPPY to the max. I love learning about politics and global affairs, provided its the truth. The one issue with the Model UN, is that in some cases I have definetly seen countries who are acting as people with views, and not their countries views. However I can totally give props to LOADS of countries who are being bastards because that's what they do! It's funny though, when we have a delegate from the United States, who is arguing for fair wages for third world country labour. Yeaaaah. Hahaha.

I'm pleased anyways, i'm trying really really hard(although mostly subconsciously because this situation is one in which I completely flourish), because I want to win best Diplomat. We'll see, I think I did alright today. However, I shouldn't focus on myself, this has been SUCH a team effort and I really think the Summit on First Nations and Indigenous Issues people are the BEST EVER and I love them all to the max. One day to go!11111111

I'm going to go.. do something... productive.

KBYE

You said it was dangerous after Sunday, And I knew you loved me.

It's weird when you think that something will be so hard and then its not. I never do anything big. I always have big ideas, big idealogies, big beliefs, but I never get to show anyone I really mean what I say. Well except for this one time now..

Basically, a teacher in one of my classes was going over the course, and starting to lecture on it. So he asks a question, "What do you guys know about the Residential Schools". So I raise my hand, and proceed to tell him that it was genocide. 50,000 children murdered, thousands more abused physically and sexually, and something that went ignored by the government etc etc. He then replied "Class, don't get carried away by the sensationalism of Residential Schools. Lots of native children had good experiences." It was on.

I was very rageful. How dare he say that! So.. I wrote him a long demanding letter, stating he needed to apologize for his remarks and re-address the class fully about the issue. I then enclosed a page full of website sources. And then Spencer came into drama, and gave me like two books plus ALL these photocopied packages together(Pretty much Spencer = Best Person ALIVE). So, I gave it to him.

After the next block I got called into the Principals office, and had to talk to her about it. Basically the teacher feels there was a miscommunication. Basically my principal totally agrees with me about the wholething, and we had a 15 minute conversation at the terribleness of the situation and the fact it should be covered more, and acknowledged by the public as a very terrible thing Canada did. So pretty much i'm really happy. She also went on to say how impressed she was with me for the letter and the sources(cred to Spencer though!). I was like Yeaaah.

I feel good now. Now to see if he'll really apologize. He better or its not over!

Sunday-Monday-Tuesday Model UN. I have to defend Indigenous Rights. Oh irony.

k bye

And if this is the life, why does it feel so good to die today

Grow Up and Blow Away
Floating the room
Two by two
From the womb
To the holiday
There is no holiday
First double-cross her heart
He wants to start a family
Needing something to go on

If she weren't writing in blood
She'd bring him her jokes
A new liver
And a shovel for the mud
If he were not knee-deep in mud
He'd bring her his drugs
He'd get her a typewriter

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...

Nobody knows which street to take
He took the easy way
What was the easy way?
First double-cross her heart
He wants to start a family
She always thought she would not.

If she weren't writing in blood
She'd bring him her jokes
A new liver
And a shovel for the mud
If he were not knee-deep in mud
He'd bring her his drugs
He'd get her a typewriter

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...

First double-cross her heart
He wants to start a family
Her body is the baby.

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...

If this is the life
Why does it feel so good to die today?
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...

Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...
Blue to gray
Grow up and blow away...

Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean its there..

English examination today. Easy as pie. But I felt the pressure to do well. Isn't it weird how the biggest motivators in our life, happen to be things we can't see, and only feel?

You can't see love.
You can't see stress.
You can't see God.
You can't see hatred.
You can't see fear.
You can't see sadness.

We as a society are pushed forth by entities that have never had to prove a physical existance to us. We're blinded by them really, acting in haste and repenting in leisure to the sweetest of things we know we should not do, or feel, or say.

We as the collective population of the earth, do everything because of what we feel. To quote Radiohead... "Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean its there...". Is this possibly true? Could we be imagining our feelings because generations before us have imagined them, and put the strain on us as the next group to?

If this is true, why do feelings, if gone unsolved, manifest themselves physically? If a feeling is that of the mind, than the mind is intrinsically intouch with the body, to let off alarm bells(such as physical sickness and strain) when something on an emotional level isn't dealt with. But the mind, is unseen. It cannot be physically located inside a human being. It is invisible also. I suppose Thom Yorke perhaps had it wrong then. Mind you, we'll never know, will we.

It is irony, in an Age of Entitlement, that the most important things the human race depends on are invisible, untouchable, unresearchable, and not for sale.

Until next time...

Pearls and T-Shirts and The Rain

I hate it when I love something to the max, and then Much Music, or some other media outlet that makes everyone love something(this includes celebra-whores like Ashlee Simpson and etc), takes what I love and makes it POPULAR TO THE MAX. Pearls and T-shirts for example. The cross between the rocker chick, and the back east vanderbilt girl. I was reminded of this style I once quite liked, and I dedicate the phenomenon(It being when you love something alone and then everyone and their dog loves it too) to be named "Pearls and T-shirting it". *christened*. Even MEN OF CHEMISTRY can agree its a painful thing to happen. Some of my favourite things have been tainted by the Pearls and TShirt phenomenon, including Tegan and Sara, Sneakers with Skirts, Listening to Indie and The Arcade Fire. Why does it seem like once something has the wind behind it, it ends up sucking more than your mom? OH SIGH.

The rain is freaking out of control. I tried going for a walk down by Holly Farm this afternoon and I couldn't get to the beach due to a MASSIVE LAKE on the road! Me and my dog were LE TRISTE VRAI. It was sad, oui. And then when we walked further, we saw like four mudslides. I was like goooooooooooooooooooooood. Apparently they're having a snowstorm backeast, so i'm pretty glad we're only getting the rain, but EVEN STILL. I wish we could create an agent via chemistry that would stop the rain!

Until next time,
SINEAD

THE FIRST POST

Well, today I make the first post in my blog. I will use this blog to talk about what I want to talk about. Maybe i'll post a poem, maybe a story, maybe something to do with my life, maybe just a picture. We'll see!

We Shall See.