and i know what i must do tomorrow

So I got my lip pierced.
To me, it symbolizes my transition from Highschool to University.
The whole new experience thing.
I have an entire life outside of my proverbial fishbowl.
Not only that, but this life is such a marked improvement.
Most of what I hated about things in Highschool no longer exists here.

Instead, i've learned a load of things to hate about university.

I truly thought(and with my idiotically idealogical mind, how could I not of) that University was this magical place of intellectual growth and coffee houses and professors who are passionate about their subjects and dedicated to filling our minds with worldly knowledge.

It's a mess. It's a big massive brainwashing machine. It's a beaurocracy. It's a corporation. It cares about my GPA and nothing else. I am a number, one of 24,000 to be exact.

The worst sting, though, I think comes from the fact that SFU when it opened, was this socialist-rioters haven, it was considered a dangerous lefty school with progressive profs and students who had zeal for something.

SFU still wants people to believe it exists in such a liberal fashion. It doesn't. It contracts it's cafeteria services out to Chartwells, an evil american cafeteria-service corporation. They serve overpriced extremely low quality food. SFU barely has recycling, as well as ZERO organic recycling. The workers in the Chartwell's facilities are inept. All of the cleaning staff who take care of Residence are immigrants, and I note this not because of them, but because it glaringly represents to me the inequality we still live with. The coloured folk are still cleaning up after the rich and disrespectful white schoolchildren.

Jesus Christ.
If indeed he does exist, would not appreciate what SFU is.
It's a hypocritical piece of shit, and although I am so, so grateful for the friends I have met, I am just as dissatisfied as I ever have been in terms of my place in society, as well as the institution I serve.

Such is life.
I have so much faith in everything, by default.
And everything is so fucked. By default.

her profession is her religion, her sin is her lifelessness

Well it's been a quite a bit of time since i've written on this thing. I doubt anyone even reads it anymore; not that anyone ever did. Haha.

I live on the mountain now at SFU. Rarely do I have a moment alone except at night time now, but I really am enjoying it. I've met some great people, with similar priorities to myself(like "FSU"). I missed the island dreadfully at first but i've gotten into the swing of things now, and as long as i'm on the mountain it's really quite peaceful.

Classes will be amazing. I love my professors. Finally, really and truly intelligent people teaching.

Other than that, not really much to report on. Weekends start Thursday night. Alcohol, Mary-Jane and Debauchery go hand in hand in Residence on weekends, and I am soaking it up like a sponge. It is a nice life to have. I feel comfortable to be eighteen now, where atleast in the drunken stupor people still use words like hedonistic and pretentious and cumbersome and unfathomable. It is a lovely change from the word Fuck, let me tell you.

xo
Sinead

i've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march, and it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

You know that feeling when there was just someone you just NEEDED to know, but now you can't know them because they're dead?

This is how I feel about Trudeau.

It's this like sick emotional longing feeling like I really needed to know him. Which ofcourse is impossible and even would have been-- I was only 11 years old when he died. I cried, I already knew who he was, i'd already read a biography. And thus the obsession began, my own little Trudeau-mania. But sometimes obsessivity can make you feel sick.

And now I feel sick.

I hate feeling helpless, it's the most frustrating feeling, and yet here I am, feeling it, lamenting as to why I couldn't have been Margaret Sinclaire! I think I should've been her. A flower child married to a much older man in a position of liberal political power? It's what should be the story of MY life damnit!

But there is one conclusion I draw from this as well as from all my likes and dislikes. I should've been born long before I was. I am an old soul. I would rather stay home and discuss Yeats, listen to Bob Dylan and contemplate the differences between Nietszche and Sartre's views of existentialism than go to a party to try a new drug and listen to some new music which honestly sounds alot more like an electric mixing board than true creative genius to my ears.

I think I would've been alot happier to have been born in the 50's, to have grown up into adulthood throughout the 60's, to have experienced real activism, to have worn paisley and smoked more pot than my mind can comprehend at this moment. To have no internet, no technology, to have to read a real newspaper and send letters in the mail.

Even thoughI have never lived in it, I long for the world before the one we live in today. The world where people FELT and CARED and CREATED because it was in their blood to. Not to get paid.

And suddenly I see, That this where I want to be

Life is bon!
The last week has been great, my body is hating me for the poison but it can deal!
Christina came home from Europe, Lauren from Hawaii, Emma from Kelowna, and we
are reunited.

I am going to have my girls over this friday for drinks&movies in the shed,
except apparently my mum bought tickets for the whole family to see Trailor Park Boys.... Classy, I know.. I think my mum's on drugs hahaha. I'll give the ticket to one of my sisters friends.
They'll be dead pleased.

The boy situation is fabulous ofcourse, hahaha.........
there's two
I like them both haha... pro's and con's list!
WE'LL SEE WON'T WE~!
I'm hanging out with one of them on Wednesday.

Life's sweet, what can I say!
160 DAYS TIL SIMON FRASER UNIVERSITY MEETS ITS MATCH(L)

We got money and a little place, To fight now, We don't know you, We don't owe, But if you see us around I got something else to show you

One year older! And stuff....

My birthday was awesome, not going to lie. All available friends were in attendance, and we had a wildly good time(Except for a succinct lack in Country Music!) One downsideish though hahahah: Rob, Colin and Geoff decided to streak(And they ran down Lantzville Rd for a good 25 minutes), and about half an hour after they came back into the house TWO cop cars show up! I'm freaking, ofcourse, COPS?!, so I grab my mother who'se on the other side of the house, she smooths it out. The cops still wanted to take down Geoff, Colin and Rob's info.. Which was kindof useless but they're adults too, so it's no bigs for any of them. They're still regaling the tale proudly. Their facebooks glow hah!

Im stoked for Simon Fraser :D. It keeps a giant smile on my face hah! I'm perky enough......

I'm excited for this weekend; Saturday night Christina Rob Colin and I are dining at the keg, UI. Ohhhh I love life!

Hope the whole three people who read this are doing well too!

To her, death is quite romantic, She wears an iron vest, Her profession's her religion, Her sin is her lifelessness

So...
I got accepted into Simon Fraser. For whatever reason it came as a wonderful shock to me, however no one else was even mildly surprised, to my sadness. I wanted some sort of huge uproar of celebration I guess. Oh well, this weekend is my birthday party, which promises to be a messy, messy affair. Intimate though, 24 confirmed guests.

I am so, so excited to go to University. It's so new, exciting, foreign. Simon Fraser has a brilliant political science department, and I hope it will do me well. I have to get in touch with my Academic Advisor because I will need certain courses for Law School. Also exciting.

Higher-education promises to be more fulfilling than the bland public education i've recieved until now. Atleast I get to pick what i'd like to study!

Political Economy here I come!

I've gotten into a wicked disagreement with my Acting teacher. I was quite livid, and now i'm just going to be coldly indifferent. I can't STAND people who try to impress others with beliefs that a class is about reliability, dedication, real interest, and then wholly celebrate one member of such class even though he's demonstrated none of the aforementioned qualities. Whatever. How many more months until Simon Fraser?(And teachers who are really educated?)

I really will miss Lantzville though.

And with no trace of hesitation, she keeps falling head over heels, breaking her way, pushing her way through unknown jungles everyday. She's sixteen, if you know what I mean.

degenerate the faithful, with that crazy casbah sound

WELL. Life life life takes it's toll on my blogging abilities.
My birthday is a stones throw away, and you all know how I LOVE birthdays. Noot.
This one is awkward as ever, it's real full adulthood.
But before I go there, DEAR LANTZVILLE. The script has been written.
The actors have been commissioned. My movie lives on. Not a film acting debut for me at all,
but i've never directed! I'm stoked. Hilarity is about to ensue.

Anyways... Adulthood. So long as I recieve an acceptance letter, Simon Fraser is where this nice
little Catholic girl is going... to make sure she breaks every possibly catholic/christian rule ever and have a fun and enlightening four years. Not that there's any rules I haven't broken yet..... hahaha.

Oh political science department, you lure me with your excellentness. the profs at SFU write the textbooks the rest of the country uses. Which extreme pleases me.

I'm pretty stoked about Uni. It should be grand, crazy, my real life finally starting.
I will mourn for Lantzville and the simplistic responsibility-free life I have known,
but it shall be commemorated, immortalized forever in Dear Lantzville, the film which
is to be the crowning achievement of my youth. I will have atleast done one worthwhile
thing these past 18 years. Scary thought.

Not that it's to be profound. It's really more of a homage to this place we call home,
and to all of Christopher Guests films. I am soooo mailing him a DVD when we finish.

Enough for now,
more commentary later.
Don't expect anything until after the 3rd.
My birthday party.
It's going to be a mess.
I'm going to be a mess.
Best Mess Ever.

Do you believe in what you see? There doesn't seem to be anyone who agrees with me.

Major life readjustments.
Things are good with aforementioned friend. Thankfully.
Applied to all my universities. Zero out of province schools.
UBC.SFU.UVIC.Mal.

I want to go to SFU really really badly. I have the grades. Wait and see time.


I'm generally a really happy person. But the whole business of a relationship really
not working out when I/He desperately wanted it to.. it's like an hour or two of drowning
in sorrow. You know what I mean? Just an hour or two. Then medicate, repeat cycle.

Maybe it's just my killer hangover and tendency for melodrama.
hehe.

SFU SFU SFU SFU SFU

i've rearranged my priorities.
family is first. well equal to God i guess.
roman catholic church comes in last.
i am SO converting the moment I move away.
to something.. remotely Christian.
far away from the papacy and rome and the capitalist bullshit that chains me.
fuck capitalists.
urghsgdhghdjkskjskdj


VOTE NDP
ok i'm done with this random collection

Help me if you can i'm feeling down, And I do appreciate you being round, Help me get my feet back on the ground, Won't you please please help me?

I hate unresolved issues. Granted, a part of this is my fault, but I cannnn't stand the stress of it now. If it were easy enough to drop it, I would, but I can't until it's dealt with!

A friend of mine in recent days.. November I believe, sortof turned into a much more.. aggressive drunk. She throws herself at guys, for whatever reason, weird because she could so easily get any man she wanted. There's issues there. Anyways, in my own drunken stupor I tried seperating her from some guy, it would have been a huge regret for her after, something she's admitted too. I was successful, BUT at a cost of her being angry with me drunk, AND sober. At a party a month ish later, she drunkenly apologized and said I was right... But i'm still annoyed by the situtation. Add fuel to the fire by a huge puke mess made by her, all over our friends stuff, and my house... she didn't clean any of it up, nor has she said ANYTHING about it since.

I get the embarassment, really I do, but she's supposed to be one of my best friends. She isn't acting like it.

I'm just frustrated about the whole affair.

10 more reasons why I need somebody new: Just like you

Wow, i'm terribly dedicated to this blog.
Forgive me, life got in the way.

School is going really well, which is always good, and this month/next month i'll be putting in my applications for University. Which is scary. A part of me does NOT WANT TO LEAVE. Another part of me does. French Catholic Dirty Boys = Yes Please. But you know...

Political Science all the way ofcourse. Just don't know which school.

Work has been good, we got interesting new hires, and the oldies are good. One of my faves is leaving, which blows because I love the guy, but we do party outside of work, and it's not like he's dying or anything. I have already found a replacement for him work wise, but there are subtle differences. Like a surplus of attraction. HEH.

Yes..
Christmas and New Years were enjoyable.
I slept most of today, enjoyable once again, and tomorrow i'll get my act together and do some socializing.

2006 was an incredible year for me... some of the best times I have ever had, some big mistakes, some excellent discoveries and ofcourse the same amazing friends to pull me on through it. I became a woman, though I will lie and tell you otherwise, and so this year, 2007, shall be documented as the first year of my adult life.

Which fucking blows.

ta ta!