and how does it feel? to be on your own, with no direction home.

i hate that panicky feeling.

when it sets in, it's almost like you're powerless to the feelings it washes over you,

you try to resist, but pity is such a comfortable warm place to be,

self loathing is like an electric blanket,

sadness, fear, hatred; they're pillows.

so you sit in your nest of poetic disgrace,

and you like it.

and it's sucking the life out of you,

but you're powerless, without control.

did you know, that during early childhood developement, extreme emotional trauma can lead to brain malfunction later on in life? specifically, the brain of a healthy emotionally adjusted child is able to release it's own biodiazepanes, which regulate anxiety.

but the unlucky child, the child who starves for the parental attunement so necessary for healthy developement? she is left with a brain unable to regulate it's own anxiety. not only emotionally, is she in a million peices, but biologically she is at a great disadvantage. did you also know, that said unlucky children, are also 200% more likely to become addicted to drugs and or alcohol?

lucky lucky lucky

it is weird, that birth, life, it's all an accident. you end up who you are, by some chance of fate. or, for the skeptics of this universe, just because. it's weird. everything decided, just like that.

children are the most innocent of all, it is true. i do not say this with a lovely ribbon wrapped around the ideal of puppies and kittens and a softly easter-coloured nursery with melodic lullabies floating through the air, emanating the true serenity that is our children.

i say it with bitterness.
i say it because, when  things happen to a child, when they experience negative things in their young lives, they don't understand. they can't comprehend what is happening to them. they can't fathom the weight of situations far beyond their comprehension. they don't understand. and it isn't fair, for any parent to put the weight of their burden on to a child like that.

they don't get it.

and then nineteen years later they're a wreck and cursing their very existence. for things they didn't deserve, didn't ask for, didn't want, and certainly would not have chosen. and then that child, has it's own burden. and they take a long fucking time to get rid of.