When friendships die, it is sad. It is like mourning a person, but it's harder because the person you're mourning is still alive. It is even harder, when you don't have any control over the situation; when you didn't do anything wrong.
I am really, really upset. I put on the facade of anger, and everything thinks i'm coping fine and accepting that she is a bitch, an idiot, whatever. But I am upset. Because she was my best friend.
And now, she has a man. I don't know if he deserves the title of man, but at twenty it's his legal status. I loooooooooooooooooooooooooved him at first. Absolutely adored him. We got along great, we share the same sense of humour, the same ideals about no bounds on the conversation, the same straightforward attitude about dealing with people, and the same hatred of the intellectually challenged. We got along swimmingly to say the very least.
But he is an excellent actor. He is a master of manipulation. He had me fooled, for months. January until June? And I am not easily fooled: I pride myself on being a good judge of character, and I honestly thought he was an excellent guy, and a great person for her.
She goes to a different university than I do, but he goes to mine too. We never hung out all that much but we were amiable, we liked each other, we knew it would become a better friendship. She came to my university probably more than I even know, since she never really called.
The first weekend she came, it was intended for it to be her and I weekend, planned before she knew him. It basically turned into her weekend with him. I wasn't angry; I had my own life going on, and I was happy for her after being screwed around by so many guys. I wanted to see their relationship grow so I went with it, gave it my blessing and let the weekend become about them: they were a new couple, in that lusty stage and I completely understood it.
There were more weekends, I should've seen it then, when I, going through some major major stuff, needed her, told her I needed her, even if for one meal, and didn't get her. Didn't get her when she travelled to the mainland, to the university where I was, to ONE BUILDING away, and she couldn't find the time to see me. I was angry, but ready to forgive. We talked about it, it was over. I won't lie and say that that didn't still bother me: it should've been my wake-up call that to her boyfriend, however much he liked me and this and that, he did not see me as a permanent fixture in her life. I wasn't of priority to him, and she acts to this day on his priorities.
And then, summer. They move in together. At this point they've been dating.. Four months maybe? At first it's great. I go over a lot, we have really fun times. I notice though, the way he talks to her. The way she is HIS woman. The way there is an incredibly misogynistic sexist power-relationship existing between the two. I ignore it, think that it is me reading too much into things, and let it go. I love the boyfriend, he is hilarious to me, we get along so well, and so I go on thinking everything is fine, that the comments he makes to her are maybe justified, or that he is simply kidding[he uses this one a lot].
And then he comes to work with me. And we have a BLAST. But I notice some things. I notice that his favourite topic to discuss is his girlfriend. I notice it's always negative. He discusses how he and I have a good thing going, a good trust relationship. He bashes her. Sometimes I join in, when I think it's true, sometimes I say nothing, sometimes I try to explain.
"She is not good at picking friends"
"She is not good at dealing with anything"
"She has never lived in the real world"
"Everything has always been handed to her"
"She's not the smaaartest person out there"
"It takes her awhile to understand things"
Etc.
You get the point. At first I thought it funny. And then it becomes about what fight they've had this day, and that day, and how irritated he is with her about this and that and the next thing. And then it seems like he is always irritated with her about something. And then it becomes about her and I's group of friends, and how each one of them is incredibly flawed, about how she probably doesn't care about any of them anyway, about how they're all a memory to her. And slowly everything became about how He, was just so much better than Her.
And this is when I began to see him slowly assert control over her.
He discussed how he talks to her parents about her, how they organize "interventions" to talk to her about being over-emotional, or this, or that. He discusses with a tinge of pride mixed with arrogance about how he can talk to her mother about her and they can actually fix things.
But above all, what bothered me the most, was what he said about a girl who had bashed her into the ground and purposely tried to sabotage their relationship in the beginning: A slut named Starla. Starla loooved the boyfriend, but did not admit it until he was already with the girlfriend(my former best friend). He told me, all in confidence, about how Starla had bashed the girlfriend into the ground. Called her fat, stupid, ugly, and unworthy. He gloated, and told me that it made him feel good to have someone as goodlooking as Starla like him, and try to pursue him. He also told me that he'd wished he met the Girlfriend just a month later, so that he could've banged Starla a couple of times. Apparently, the girlfriends legs did not compare to those of Starla's.
And then he and I had a fight. A big fight. And I called him out on everything I believed him to be. Self involved, Narcissistic, Mildly Misogynistic and an Asshole. And that is when everything changed. We made up, apologized, but I didn't mean it. I think he thinks we're good, but I don't, because I haven't seen the girlfriend basically since the fight. She doesn't return my calls, I rarely talk to the boyfriend at work, and I know that it is done.
It is so sad to me, because I don't know what is going on. He is such an incredibly negative person: he is his own worst enemy. My biggest fear, and I think it to be true, is that he is bringing her down with him. It breaks my heart to think it, but it doesn't matter. Anything I could ever say to her would fall on deaf ears. He would pronounce me a liar, a bitch, jealous, ugly, whatever he could come up with. Like I said before, he is a master of manipulation, and she is under his thumb.
There is nothing I can do. It is not a very nice feeling.
Goodbye LMB. I love you so much, I really hope you see before it's too late.
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